ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
