I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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