I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We're too hungover to prance.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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