I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
