she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
