come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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