is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
