I just googled if crying burns calories
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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