Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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