I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
