We got so high we made milksteak
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
