i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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