Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
