wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
