Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
