so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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