I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We left the knife in your bed.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
