I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
