My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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