I just pynch a tree in the face
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
