tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
