before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
