I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
