I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize