did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
NoShamevember. You game?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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