walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
