Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
