You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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