Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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