Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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