I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
