I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
