All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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