Where is the hickey?
Apparently you make a good broom.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
