What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
