I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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