She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize