oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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