U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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