You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You're like the curious george of whores
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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