yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You ruined the universe
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
