think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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