I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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