she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
