If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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