I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
