There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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