there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
