You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
