I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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