You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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