drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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