He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize