My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
