Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
only you would photoshop your dick
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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