farters have to be the big spoon...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
