im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
