oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
