it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
