Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i love accidental penises.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize