I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
