So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
