I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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