i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
