And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
