I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
