All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize