Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
