Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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