So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
