My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
