The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
